I feel like i have so much to say but nobody to tell it to. i think i’m just going to start venting here so i have some sort of reference as to how i have progressed these last couple days. its funny but i don’t even feel like talking about it anymore… i feel so secluded and unable to talk to anyone. im trapped in my own mind and cant open up no matter how hard i try. We officially broke up this sunday… the love of my life…. and i’m still in complete shock that its actually over. Its only been 2 days but they’ve been so rough. i’m so frustrated, i hate her, she broke my heart, i couldn’t trust her, but i truly loved her with all my heart. Everything reminds me of her and what we shared. I can even look at my own dog without thinking about how we raised her practically from birth. shes such a beautiful puppy and i can’t help but think that it was the love we shared, and put into her, that made her such a healthy puppy. i honestly thought she was the one for me. i had dreams about moving up there with her and working in a restaurant and just living with he while she went to school and we would spend so much time together and be happy like we’re meant to be. Isn’t that the point of life? to just be happy? we work so hard to reach our goals that we throw our happiness away to get it and lose people on the way. you were my happiness. I’m not a weak or irrational man, but what i felt was so real that it hurt. i fucked up, because i had insecurities. i tried to reach out to you but you pushed me away. i wanted to be reassured but right from the day you moved away, i saw you were giving up. believe me, i tried but you didn’t see that and you pushed me so far… you gave me up for a college life. i wanted to know about how class was going and what i could do to help. instead you went to frat parties, got drunk every weekend, met guys at the parties who wanted to get close to you, and your view was #collegelife #fuckit #yolo. i cant forgive you for the way you treated me and all that shit you said to me. you said you cared but i never felt anything. i fought so hard for you and you threw it away. in the very end, i wished you luck and happiness but you pretty much told me to go to hell. I’m not a bad person. i didn’t deserve to be treated like that. i realize it wasn’t my fault, it was all yours. you fucked up and tried to blame it on me. but don’t worry, i always come out on top. so distract yourself with partying and getting drunk, ill keep on crying everyday and trying to hold myself together. but i will get over you, and maybe then, you’ll realize what you lost.
